Introduction to Huh?

Today, I discovered that graduate courses with the title words "Introduction to..." aren't. For three hours tonight, I sat at a conference table completely baffled by discussions of Lacanian discourse, signifiers and signifieds, the Phallus (but not the kind I'm familiar with), lack, desire, the Symbolic, the Real (which isn't really), the Imaginary, and the like. Completely over my head. It became apparent for whom in the class this was an "introduction to" and for whom it was "advanced." The "advanceds" won and the intro to's stayed pretty silent. I was quiet, except for an occasional, "I don't understand...so what if you're like blind, and can't see the mirror...do you, like, never enter into the Symbolic Order...and what the eff is the symbolic order, anyway?" There were a couple of occasions when I must have laughed or smiled at how strange everything sounded to my virgin ears because the professor asked me if I had something to add. I hate those moments. I tried to think of something in a few seconds of awkward silence, but couldn't. Oh well. I thought about how weird it is to be back in school and feel almost like I've never been before. It's a great class, though. No, it is. That wasn't sarcasm. Everyone always thinks I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not. No, really.

I feel very far away out here in Davis, CA. Sometimes I try to imagine what's going on with all of my friends at a particular moment. My mind's eye darts from the halls of whitman-walker over to ontario rd, down to an office I've never been to in Virginia, back up to Adam's Morgan, up to Frederick, or wherever else you people spend time. That's all. No punch line. Just a thought.

I'm very fractured tonight. Not even sure if I should post this one, because it seems like I really have a bunch of nothing to say...but you're the one reading it, not me! If I were you, I would have abandonned this blog a long time ago.

well, there it is. Maybe next time.