I don't give a dental damn!

I had the strangest dental experience of my life today. Went to the dentist for the first time in something like 5 years. Ew, I know, right? But I haven't had any dental insurance and no problems with my teeth, so whatevs. I figure I take pretty good care of them. Anyway, after a series of rather painful ex-rays (I hate those little plastic tabs you have to bite down on, which occasionally grind into the roof of your mouth), the dentist came in to talk to me about my teeth. She began by asking about my last dentist and whether there was anything in particular I liked or disliked about my experiences. I thought this was quite nice. I told her I like that he was very gentle and always told me what he was about to do, "Ok Aaron, you're about to experience the most excrucating pain of your life, okay?" But then she asked me how I would rate how much I liked my teeth: "On a scale from 1 to 10, how do you like your teeth?" I was a bit confused, but generally, i'm okay with my teeth, I guess, so I said 9. She responded, "So, what is it about your teeth that you don't like?" Again, a little perplexed, so I said, "Well, I guess people are always concerned about having yellow teeth, so I guess I've always thought my teeth could be whiter..."
"Yes, what else?"
"Um....well I have a small gap between two of my back teeth and sometimes food gets caught in there..."
"I see, go on..."
"Okay, well I had braces, but since I've had them off, my bottom teeth have gotten a little bit crowded, but I'm not too concerned about it."
"Very good....And how would you feel if we could fix all of those problems?"
Riiiight. And so it began. I said, "Uhhhh, fine, I guess." ("Jesus! I would be like so eternally grateful I'd probably put you in my will!")

She then proceeded to ask me if I would like to hear about what she saw on the ex-rays, and ask me how I would like my information: a little bit of detail or a lot. What? I opted for more detail thinking more information was probably better than less ("you have teeth"), and she said funnily enough most PhD students ask for the detailed information. But this consisted of her pointing to a clay (or something) model of teeth and telling me where the potential problem areas were (and giving me the scientific names for the teeth she pointed to.) The whole thing was like talking to a computer that was inches from my face and almost life-like. In the end, I didn't have any cavities, but found out I grind my teeth, and I was given a run-down of all of my "treatment options" which included a $370 nightguard, a $575 whitening, and a multi-thousand dollar "invisaline" teeth straightening device (like removable, invisible braces). I didn't want any of that (except the nightguard, which I can't afford), so I politely said I would keep the "treatment options" in mind. Is this contemporary dentistry? I felt like I was being sold a new car or something. How would you feel if we could fix all of that for you?(?!) What? Go away! Just clean my teeth. That's all I wanted--just for someone to clean my teeth for me, for once in 6 years. Not some dentistry shake down. And I have to go back tomorrow for that, so they can double bill my insurance company. I think I may bite someone if they ask me anymore weird questions. "How clean do your teeth feel at present? How would it make you feel if we could make them cleaner with this power saw?"